


Trouvaille

by delsicle



Category: Dunkirk (2017), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Anal Sex, Dom Louis, Dom/sub Undertones, French Louis, Humiliation kink, M/M, Post-War, Power Bottom Louis, Rich Louis, Roommates, Soldier Louis, Sub Alex, War, World War II, degradation kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-02-03 18:48:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12754071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delsicle/pseuds/delsicle
Summary: The last thing Alex expects to find in an abandoned neighborhood in Dunkirk, France is something he actually wants to remember.





	1. Dunkirk

**Author's Note:**

> Well, Dunkirk Week is now coming to a close. Again, this week I’ve been posting continuations of the drabbles I’ve been posting on Tumblr lately featuring Alex (Harry's character in Dunkirk) and Louis. I’ve already posted two other fics, so please check them out if you’d like! I’ll definitely be posting more Alex/Louis in the future, but for now, I hope you’ve enjoyed this week 
> 
> Some disclaimers: This fic continues some period-typical homophobia, slurs and internalized homophobia. There are also references to sexual abuse/manipulation in the second part of this fic, so please keep that in mind and be aware if that is at all triggering for you. Also, this fic contains some dom/sub undertones, however, the kink is a bit under-negotiated (it is discussed and proper after care is used, but keep that in mind) If there are any other triggers you think I should add, please let me know, I’m running on barely any sleep right now and I’m forgetting things. 
> 
> Also, my French is so bad and I am so so sorry. 
> 
> As always, please note that this work also contains adult content and is intended for an 18+ audience. This is a work of fiction intended for fan consumption. Please not send it to anyone related to One Direction or the film Dunkirk.
> 
> Finally, thank you as always to Aleah, to the lovely anons who gave me prompts over on my blog. All mistakes and historical inaccuracies are mine. Enjoy xx

Alex had about two seconds of peace after he ran into the house.

There were bullets outside, because this was occupied territory; then again, just about everywhere was occupied territory. He had been with a few people that hadn’t made it, as well as a few that had. But the ones that had survived had outrun him, leaving him in the dust, presumably to get gunned down like everyone else that didn’t run fast enough.

But they were in a civilian neighborhood, and all the houses were empty and unlocked. They were big houses, close to the sea. Wealthy owners who had the money to go somewhere far, far away.

No one would mind if Alex slipped inside and hid away for a few minutes or a few days.

Well, no one except the other soldier who was waiting inside the house, who had a rifle pointed to Alex’s chest as soon as he turned around.

He held up his hands, pressing his back to the door.

“English,” Alex managed, saying the only words that he knew would either save him or get him killed, “ _Anglais_ ,”

The man in front of him seem to relax on the second word, and the point of the gun lowered, but his face stayed tight, his forehead creased.

“You’re French?”

“Yes,” the man said, in a high voice flecked thickly with an accent, “And I speak English,”

“Oh,” Alex said. He realized his hands were still up and he lowered them to rest at his sides, “Sorry for – “

“Did anyone see you?”

Alex blinked and he couldn’t help but to frown. The French soldiers he had met previously knew a limit of the same few phrases he knew in their language. _I’m on your side. Hello. Thank you. Don’t shoot me._

But the man in front of him seemed to be able to say more than that.

“Everyone I was with is dead or somewhere else by now,” Alex said, trying to speak slowly, clearly, “And the Germans don’t come down here. They just stay up high and fire,”

The man nodded, and his face looked clear, like he understood. He turned, going into the parlor of the house.

“How long have you been here?” Alex asked, and the man looked back at him.

“Two days,”

“Any action?”

“None that concerns me,”

“I’m sorry?”

“They do not beat down the door,” the man said, and then lifted his hands, “So it is not my problem,”

“Oh,” Alex said, and then lifted a hand, itching the back of his neck, “That works,”

The man just gave him a hard glance and shook his head with a sigh.

“There is food,” he said, “There are two of us now, so you can watch the outside whenever you do not want to sleep,”

Alex frowned, narrowing his eyes at the man.

“What?”

The man blinked at him.

“Do not make me repeat something just because you did not bother listening,”

“You’re, ah,” Alex started, and scratched the back of his head, “You’re letting me stay,”

The soldier in front of him rolled his eyes.

“You want to go outside and die, that is not my problem either,” he said.

It was enough to make Alex laugh.

He didn’t get the chance to laugh much anymore, he was going to take what he could get.

“What’s your name, mate?” Alex asked.

The man lifted his eyes, and Alex expected him to snap that he didn’t need to know that, but he sighed and shook his head.

“Louis,”

“M’Alex,”

He made an indifferent noise, and then turned back to the parlor.

“Like I said, there is food here. Another room upstairs. Cigarettes, if you’d like,”

“Christ,” Alex exhaled, “We managed to find heaven here,”

Louis looked back at him, his eyes hard.

“I found it,” he said flatly, “You got lucky,”

Then he turned and went out into the main entryway of the house before turning a corner, leaving Alex with a quiet but apparently not empty house.

There was a snap of bullets outside, and by instinct, he ducked his head and covered the back of his neck. But of course he wasn’t hit. As he lifted his head, he realized the shots were distant, nowhere near the house.

For now, no one knew he was here, and no one would probably bother checking the houses unless they were looting for supplies.

Alex took another step into the house and swung his pack down onto the floor.

He would a rather surly Frenchman over fire any day.

*******

Alex had stayed in the house for a day and a half.

Louis had stationed himself in one of the bedrooms upstairs, but Alex stayed in the parlor in his bed roll and boots with his rifle propped against the sofa, partially because a regular mattress felt too soft for him and also just because he wanted to be prepared to jump up and be ready if more bullets began firing outside. There hadn’t been anything in the time he had been there; they must have halted troops coming through until they thought the Germans had left, or at least lost interest.

There was some salted meat and some canned rice and beans in the cabinets. It wasn’t much better than what they offered in front lines but he ate what he could and drank some cold water out of the hose in the back garden. Most of all, he sat by the big open window in the kitchen and smoked, trying his best to ration out the single pack of the cigarettes the owners had left behind.

That was how Louis found him.

Louis still didn’t speak to him much, and Alex didn’t blame him. They weren’t friends. They weren’t even acquaintances. They had been thrown into the same place and they were on the same side, which was why they hadn’t moved to kick the other out.

But still, Louis came up to him quietly, so quietly Alex jumped when he spoke.

“Do you need your uniform washed?” Louis asked. Alex turned, seeing the other man standing right in front of him, his own coat in his arms.

“What?” Alex asked, and Louis just blinked at him, looking rather bored.

“There is a washing bin upstairs,” Louis said, “Do you need your uniform washed?”

“Oh,” Alex said, turning away to look back outside, “No thanks, mate,”

“Yes, you do,” Louis said flatly, making Alex look up. He was looking at him pointedly, and then just shrugged, “We all need that,”

“Right,” Alex snorted, and Louis just kept looking at him.

“There are dressing gowns in some of the bedrooms,” he said, “You can put one on and then bring me your clothes,”

Alex just kept looking at him, wondering why Louis was suddenly trying to make nice with him, but finally he let his shoulders lift into a shrug as he nodded. He might as well let Louis do something for him if that was what he wanted.

“Yeah,” Alex said, “Yeah, alright, I’ll do that in a bit. Thanks, mate,”

“You are welcome,” Louis said, shifting his coat in his arms, “I will be upstairs,”

Alex nodded again, and then Louis left the kitchen, leaving Alex to finish his cigarette in peace.

*******

Alex found one of the occupied bedrooms upstairs and rifled through the still-full closet until he found a long, dark green dressing gown. He sighed and stripped off his uniform, his nose wrinkling at the scent of mud and sweat and life as the fabric pulled over his head. Christ. He’d have to take a bath after he dropped his clothes off.

He put on the dressing gown and gathered up his uniform before wandering back down the hall. He could hear the sound of splashing water from down the hall, and when he followed the sound down to the end of the hall he could see one door that was propped open, light spilling out into the hallway. Alex came forward and pushed open the door, ready to just give the Frenchman his clothes and then leave again.

Instead, he froze in the doorway, his reeking uniform still hanging from his arms. His feet were bare in the first time in a long time making his footsteps silent, so Louis must not have heard him.

Well. He _obviously_ did not hear him, because Louis was naked.

His boots were cast to the side of the room, and Alex could see his arms were plunged into a tub of soapy water. His shoulders were thin but firm and strong, the muscles in the top of his back and in his arms rolling as he pushed his arms into the tub. His back was a long, sloping, tanned line; the knobs of his spine sticking through his skin. His bum was pale, resting on the tops of his strong thighs, big and firm and heart-shaped.

Alex had seen a man naked before. He was in the damn army. But he had never exactly been alone with a naked man before, had never had a tug in his belly and heat in his face because of the sight of someone before.

Finally, Louis stopped, and looked over his shoulder.

“Oh,” he said, and then turned back, “Set them down,”

Alex did, moving forward a bit and setting the uniform by Louis’s legs. He got an eyeful of his thick lashes, his downcast eyes, his hair-covered chest and his cold-peaked nipples. He didn’t dare look further down as he set the uniform down and then backed up.

“ _Merci_ ,” Louis said pleasantly, and then picked his hands out of the water and shook them, then reached for Alex’s shirt and plunged it into the water with his own uniform. Some of the water splashed onto the floor, and Alex gulped, looking at the soap-filled puddle at Louis’s knees.

“Makin’ a mess,” he murmured, and Louis just shrugged.

“It is not my house,” he said, “Not my floors,”

“Right,” Alex allowed, and then took a step back, “Gonna take a bath,”

“Good,” Louis said, “You need that, too,”

“Alright, alright,” Alex hedged. His moved his feet back, already to get out and away, “No need for that,”

Louis just snorted and shrugged, pulled at the fabric in the bin and then lifted up Alex’s trousers.

“Go on,” he said, “I will know when you are done,”

Alex nodded and turned, went back out to the hall.

He shut the door firmly behind him. He didn’t need another accidental glance once he got out.

*******

Louis delivered the uniform to Alex later, neatly folded and scrubbed clean of any stains or foul scent. Alex thanked him, put it on, prepared his dinner of toast and stale rice and salted beef, and then promptly ignored Louis for another full day. He slept on the floor, a full floor away from him, and he found himself hoping that bullets would rain on them again, just to give him an excuse to get the hell out of this house with this man.

Louis was a pain in the ass. A pain in the ass that didn’t talk except to tell Alex off for something. A pain in the ass with eyes that reminded Alex of an ocean that didn’t have warships in it, and careful, pretty hands and a nice behind.

He had never thought another man was worth thinking about. But Alex couldn’t even be bothered to think over what it meant that he was thinking this way, because he was trying too hard to avoid Louis.

And he did a pretty damn good job, mostly because he had wised up and learned how to listen carefully to the sound of Louis’s footsteps in the house.

But then the next night he had finished eating his dinner in his room and made the mistake of thinking that just because he couldn’t hear Louis moving around, he was safe to go back downstairs and into the kitchen.

Of course as soon as he walked in, he saw Louis sitting at the counter, eating a plate of his own meal. Alex froze as soon as he saw him, while Louis only gave him a quick glance and then looked back at his plate.

“Sorry,” Alex said, “Just going to put my plate away,”

“Fine,” Louis said, and then shrugged. He didn’t look up.

Alex shook his head, forcing himself to move into the kitchen, to do what he needed to do and leave. He put his plate in the sink, turned on the water on, did his washing up like he would’ve on a normal day that was pre-War, pre-hideout, pre-Louis. Once the plate was clean he put it away, then grabbed a glass, filled it with water, began to lift it to his mouth.

“Alex,” Louis said, and Alex tried to ignore the heat in his cheeks at the way Louis’s accent wrapped around his name.

“Yeah,” he said right before he lifted the glass to his lips.

“You find me attractive,” Louis said flatly, and Alex choked on his water.

“What?” he said. He didn’t know enough about the French language to know if Louis had made some sort of translation error. Louis hadn’t made a glaring English mistake yet, but Alex could cling to the idea if he needed to.

“You think I am attractive,” Louis repeated.

“You’re a bloke,”

“That was not my question,”

“You ain’t making it sound like a question,” Alex said, taking a step back.

“Mm,” Louis shrugged. His fork scraped the plate like nothing had happened, but Alex’s heart was still hammering like he was in another battleground, because he might at well be.

“It ain’t like that – “ he started, but Louis just glanced over his shoulder.

“I will not kill you,” he shrugged, “Or even hurt you. We are alone, and on the same side, and so many are dead already. No need to kill you over something so stupid, yes?”

Alex just blinked at him. Louis lifted his fork to his mouth and then set it back down, collected his plate and brought it over to the sink, brushing by Alex as he did.

“It is not uncommon, you know,” Louis said, “For men like us in this war,”

“Like us,” Alex said flatly.

“I have laid with many men who would not dream of being with a man before this war,” Louis said. “I still do not think they liked me that much before or after,”

Alex needed Louis to stop, it was too much, but he still found himself able to speak.

“You like men,” Alex tried, and Louis cut his eyes to him, scoffed.

“You don’t?”

“I like girls just fine,”

“That does not mean anything,”

“Yes, it bloody does,” Alex snapped. He reached out, curled his hand on the counter, “Were you naked on purpose yesterday? Did you want to do something to me?”

He blurted it out before he could fully think, even if it had been a question he had been chewing on for a while, and Louis looked over at him slowly, his gaze still unnervingly steady.

“I was naked because I wanted to be naked,” Louis said, “However you felt was your own fault,”

Alex swallowed. His face was hot, his body was bristling. He wanted to run out, to get away from here, but he wasn’t stupid, there were Germans everywhere and if he left he’d just be exchanging one battle for another.

“I wish I had never met you,” he finally gritted out.

Louis looked at him carefully, his eyes narrow, and then he came forward, gripped the front of Alex’s shirt, dragged him down, and kissed him firmly on the mouth.

Alex gasped, wishing he could move away. Or at least, he wished that he actually wanted to move away.

In reality, he wanted more than just Louis kissing him.

He felt his shoulders drop, and he wanted to force them to straighten out. And then his knees locked and weakened, and he wanted them to be strong and not give into this, to the sweet, soap-filled smell of Louis’s skin and the firm feeling of his lips.

But he felt the rest of his body becoming weak, and he had to keep one hand gripped on the counter, another hand coming up to rest at the deep curve of Louis’s waist.

“You did not answer me,” Louis said, pulling away as he spoke. Alex could’ve sworn he did it just to taunt him, to offer him something so good and then just pull it away.

“What?” Alex gasped out. His mouth felt heavy and wet and most of all wrong when it wasn’t pressed to Louis’s lips.

“You did not say if you find me attractive,” Louis said.

Alex forced himself to breath, to finally let himself look closely at the cut of Louis’s cheekbones and jaw, the way his shirt hung a little too loose over his thin frame, the slender pout of his lips, all the things that had haunted Alex for days now.

“You’re alright,” he said, and Louis snorted and shifted closer to him again, and Alex dropped his head, preparing for another kiss. But instead Louis’s hands went straight for Alex’s belt, and then he was undoing it, his fingers getting far too close to the hard bulge that had built in Alex’s trousers.

Alex didn’t move again. He couldn’t, he couldn’t even breath let alone move his feet.

“I would not mind you fucking me,” Louis said, mildly, like his every word wasn’t chipping away at Alex’s self control, “You are prettier than the others,”

“Yeah?” Alex said. His voice was weak, and Louis could tell, clearly, because he grinned.

Alex reached forward, knocking Louis’s hands away from his trousers and instead he gripped the other man by the waist, pushing his fingers along the top of his trousers so he could unbuckle Louis’s belt as well.

“How’d the others do it?” Alex asked, “When you let them fuck you?”

“I did not _let_ them do it,” Louis scoffed, “I offered and they wanted it anyways,”

“Right,” Alex said, trying and failing to make his voice strong, “So how’d they do it, then?”

Louis rolled his eyes, even though Alex’s hands had undone the top of his trousers and he could feel the hardness underneath.

“Like how you’d do it with a girl,” Louis said flatly.

“Christ,” Alex exhaled, and then lifted his hands away so he could grab Louis around the waist again, and then turned him around, pushed on him until he was leaning against the counter in front of them.

“Get something to slick me down,” Louis snapped when Alex started to go to untuck himself. He stopped, looking back at where Louis was staring back at him, his eyes hard, “You think I will already be wet? Use your fucking head,”

Alex shook his head. Sometimes he wished Louis was a little less fluent in English.

He fumbled backwards to the cabinet under the sink and threw it open, his hands scuttling over the bottles and cans until he found a spare container of all-purpose oil, and he looked back over at Louis as he held it up. The other man snorted and shook his head.

“That is fine,” he said as he shifted his hips, “Come back here,”

Alex back forward, set a hand on Louis’s back, stroking over the fabric so he could feel the warm skin underneath.

He kind of wanted to get him completely bare, like he had been that one day, but he just couldn’t ask for that. It was too much.

“Do you act this slow in battle?” Louis asked, and it was enough to bring Alex back to the surface.

“What?”

“What,” Louis repeated, flattening his accent in a poor mockery of Alex’s own voice, “I am surprised you ran fast enough to get here. If you take this long to make decisions then you should be dead,”

Alex’s grip tightened on Louis’s shirt, crinkling the fabric.

“That’s not a nice way to talk to someone who’s going to get you fucked,” he said, and Louis shook his head.

“I could say whatever I want and you would still fuck me,” he murmured, and then looked over his shoulder, blinking at Alex, “I am right?”

Alex stared back at him and then his grip tightened on the oil in his hands, enough to get it open. Louis kept watching at Alex untucked himself and slicked his length down with the oil, and then he reached forward with an oil-slick hand and yanked down Louis’s trousers and drawers, his bottom tight and round and pale before him. He reached forward, pushing oil in between his cheeks, his fingers prodding at the rim of his hole. It felt too tight to get much of anything in there, but Louis groaned and pushed against the counter, so Alex must have done something right.

Louis went to untuck himself from his own trousers, but Alex couldn’t get a good look at his cock. It was probably pretty. Probably had a swollen head the same color of Louis’s lips.

He didn’t know when he had started to think of these things.

Louis gave him another look, his eyes bored as he looked at Alex and then flicked his gaze down lower.

“You do not do much for someone with a big prick,” Louis said. Alex gritted his teeth, and then reached forward and pushed down on Louis’s back, getting him to lay flat on the counter. But Louis only groaned and then laughed and shifted his hips, his bum bouncing, tempting him.

Alex set a hand on the counter and then one of his cock, forcing himself not to touch Louis, because if he did he probably would never let go, never stop touching. Instead he pushed himself forward, felt his head disappear into Louis’s tight heat. He groaned, his hips bucking purely out of the new feeling, and Louis yelped weakly, making Alex slow down as he pushed in further.

“You really are pretty,” Alex murmured as he pumped his cock tighter into Louis. The other man groaned, and he was probably rolling his eyes even as Alex fucked into him, “Haven’t had a fuck in a while, you’re a decent one,”

Louis pushed back, making Alex disappear even further into him, and they both groaned.

“Shut up,” Louis snapped, “Just shut up and be a good boy and fuck me,”

Alex stuttered, his voice choking off in his throat. He felt heat in his skin, seeping into his cheeks and the back of his neck as he kept pumping his hips. That made Louis groan, that made Louis feel good. That was what he needed to do.

He was still on a battleground here, and Louis was his officer.

He was going to take a command when he got it.

He kept pumping his hips, and slowly, he moved both hands to rest on Louis’s hips, and the other man didn’t seem to notice, was too busy howling and thrusting his hips back to meet Alex, French and English leaving his hips in even turn.

Alex felt heat pool in his belly as he thrust his hips. He was still in his full uniform, and it stuck to his skin uncomfortably, bonded with sweat. His hair fell into his eyes, obscuring his view as Louis nestled his cheek on the counter and thrust back, his lips bitten red and moving.

“ _Alex_ ,” he gasped, and Christ, Alex could get drunk on the sound of Louis saying his name, “ _Mon cheri_ ,”

Alex kicked his hips forward and and Louis gasped, his slender fingers skittering on the counter, his body relaxing under Alex’s touch. He heard something wet drip to the floor. It took him a minute to understand what it was.

“Messy,” he murmured, and then the word was swallowed in his own moan, because his body was hot and unwinding and he was spilling into Louis, and the other man was moaning, too, taking it like it was the best thing to ever happen to him.

Alex wasn’t going to die in the war. He was going to die right here, in an expensive French home, his cock buried in another man with an exquisite moan.

It took Louis a few moments to move, and eventually he straightened up, moved away. Alex took that as a cue to pull out of him, and Louis winced but still managed to hobble over to the sink. He got a clean flannel, wet it, cleaned himself up and then wiped the floor. He finally pulled his trousers up and buckled his belt before tossing the flannel to Alex, who cleaned himself off.

Alex expected Louis to go to his room right after it was all over, to not speak of this. But instead he moved in and gave Alex another peck on the lips.

“ _Merci_ ,” he murmured when he pulled away, “You were good,”

“I was?” Alex asked. He hated how small his voice sounded, but then Louis smiled and he could forgive himself for sounding weak.

“Yes, darling,” Louis said. He brought his hand forward, traced Alex’s hip, “You were perfect,”

Alex just nodded, and Louis looked at him carefully, his mouth still smiling but his eyes far away.

“You do not need to speak to me much after this,” Louis said, “Plenty of the men do it. Fuck me and forget,”

His voice was still light, like it was a statement he was throwing away, but Alex could feel his heart break in about ten different places when he spoke.

“Maybe I don’t want it to be like that,” he said, and Louis blinked.

 _Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid._ He’d ruined something good.

But then Louis smiled and nodded.

“My bed upstairs is not too soft,” Louis said, “If you would like to join me there tonight,”

Alex’s mouth was too dry, and the room was too hot, and Louis was too much.

But he still managed to open his mouth. Still managed to say yes.

Still managed to make Louis smile.

*******

Alex came to the bedroom quietly.

The room was large, with a full window looking out to the small garden behind the house. There was expensive looking furniture, all in matching shades of dark wood, around the room. It didn’t look lived in, exactly. Visited, maybe, was a pretty way to describe it. There was a pile of clothes on the floor and a few bottles were out on the dresser, a couple of them already opened.

The only sign of life came from the bed, and it wasn’t easy to ignore.

Louis was turned to face the doorway, his sleeping face visible to Alex. The thin sheets of the bed brushed against his otherwise bare shoulders. He looked soft in the moonlight, with a relaxed face and clean hair. Softer than Alex had seen him yet.

But when he moved closer to the bed, Louis exhaled and shook his head weakly against the pillow.

“Noisy,” he sighed. He cracked his eyes open, gleaming and bright in the darkness, “You woke me up,”

“Sorry,” Alex mumbled, the word slipping out easily. Louis once again just shook his head, and then closed his eyes again.

“Do not do it again,” Louis said firmly.

Alex snorted weakly, and then carefully lifted the top sheets of the bed. He slipped under them carefully, suppressing the desire to sigh as the clean, soft fabric hit his skin. Louis was curled up close by, but he didn’t dare touch him.

Not until he had settled down, and was able to turn over, and Louis opened his mouth again.

“I would not protest,” he said, “If you gave me a kiss good night,”

Alex just blinked at him, like he could get an answer from Louis’s closed eyes.

“What makes you think I want to kiss you again?”

“You strike me as very romantic,” Louis said plainly. His eyes were still closed.

Alex didn’t have time to have a debate about this. To explain to Louis that he couldn’t be romantic when he hadn’t exactly the chance for much more than a few warm bodies desperate to be with a soldier before the war.

He didn’t say anything more, he just leaned forward and pressed a firm kiss to Louis’s mouth, feeling the other man’s lips smile under his.

Alex pulled away before he wanted to, but Louis’s mouth remained smiling nonetheless.

“ _Merci_ ,” he exhaled.

Alex just rolled around and tucked him up in bed, forcing himself to close his eyes.

The bed was soft, it was a damn shame if he couldn’t fall asleep, even if sleep seemed like a hopeless dream.

*******

The next afternoon, there were gunshots outside, and footsteps, and Louis looked carefully out one of the smallest windows as Alex stood by the door, his hand tight on the strap that held down his rifle. He’d put it back on, because there was really no ignoring the scene outside. They’d be driven out of the house by raiders on their own side if they didn’t get out on their own.

“They are moving people to the beaches,” Louis said, “The English, mostly. They must have your ships there,”

“Oh,” Alex managed.

Louis looked away from the window, stepped closer to Alex. They had taken a bath together that morning, before the gunshots had started. Louis still smelled like soap.

 “You should go,” he said, and Alex’s throat tightened.

“You will too,” he said, not even bothering to make it an option.

“I can try,” Louis allowed, “There are my people somewhere, I’m sure,”

“We’re in your country,” Alex said, “Of course they’re somewhere,”

Louis smiled and nodded, turning to the door. He only flinched a bit when another round of German fire went off.

“You go first,” Louis said, “And I will follow,”

“I want to go out with you,”

“Don’t be stupid,” Louis said, and it was enough to make Alex hang his head in acceptance.

He knew this house would not last long. He just thought maybe what was inside could stretch out a bit longer.

“Maybe I’ll see you on the beach,” Alex said, and Louis shook his head. He smiled sadly for a moment, but then it was gone. Alex couldn’t blink around this man, he would miss something vital.  

“No, you will not,”

“Well at least give me something to remember France by,” Alex sighed, “I’ll get shipped somewhere else soon enough,”

Louis didn’t even snap or roll his eyes. Just came forward, pressed a hand to Alex’s chest and then kissed him firmly.

Alex wasn’t sure what it meant, that he wanted a kiss from Louis. He just knew as soon as he was outside, he would be thinking of a thousand things besides Louis’s lips, so he could forgive himself for wanting it.

Louis pulled away a little too quickly, but Alex was going to take what he could get.

“You are an asshole,” Louis said, his accent sounding a bit strange around the last word, “But I will miss you,”

Alex blinked at him, and he wished he could say something, anything that would be adequate to explain to this man that in four days he had gotten shaken up and down and sideways and he didn’t want to let go.

Instead, though, a gunshot ran out loud and clear from just far enough away to make it feel safe, and Louis pushed him forward.

“ _Allez_ ,” Louis said softly, “Go,”

Alex couldn’t fight him. Not now. Not even for another kiss.

He looked at him one last time, catalogued his eyes and his hair and his hands.

Then he went.


	2. London

Alex had been to London only twice outside of his missions in the army.

The first, he had been ten years old, and his father had taken him down for the day to buy a Christmas gift for his mother. It had been freezing cold, and his scarf had been falling off the whole time, but the shops were beautiful from what he remembered, and everything smelled like pinecones and cinnamon and his father had bought him a hot chocolate to drink on the train.

The second time, it’s hot. Boiling hot, with a pale blue sky and a white, blistering sun above him. He took the train on a whim and booked a rented room for a few days on even more of a whim. He had to leave his hometown, get away from the questions and the stares of the people that somehow still expected to see him walking around in uniform.

He didn’t know what to do in the city, really. Shopping seemed too shallow. Going to a park seemed sad to do by himself, but then again, so was running away from home on an adventure he couldn’t really afford.

Then, as he wandering around aimlessly, Alex found his answer for what to do that day standing in front of a shop corner, licking an ice cream cone.

His answer was dressed in a pair of dark blue shorts and a white shirt that was unbuttoned at the collar to reveal tan, sunburnt skin underneath. His hair is a bit longer in places, more wild, but Alex recognized the shift of his hips as he stood, the slope of his profile even from far away.

Alex swallowed and came closer.

He stopped just a foot away, his shadow barely even casting over Louis’s feet because of how high the sun was.

Louis. It’s Louis. Louis, who he knew for four days in a desperate, frightening attempt to escape the war around him, and who had been haunting him ever since. He’s right there, with his sleeves pushed up to his elbows and ice cream dripping down the cone onto his hand.

Alex licked his dry lips, searching for something to say, but Louis turned to him, his eyes calm and a small smile crossing his mouth when he saw him, like he not only knew he was right there, but he was expecting him.

“ _Salut_ ,” he smiled, and his lips were dotted with white cream, making Alex’s head spin.

Goddamn it, this was a bad start.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, not even bothering to give him a formal greeting, and Louis blinked and closed his lips over the tip of the melting cone.

“I am eating,” he said flatly, and Alex snorted.

“In London,” he said, “I meant what are you doing in London,”

Louis tilted his head, licking his lips.

“I live here,” he said, and Alex frowned.

“You’re French,” he said, and Louis laughed.

“Oh, really,” he smiled, and then rotated the cone in his hand, lapping at it again before speaking.

“My aunt and my uncle, they no longer live in France,” Louis said, “I spent most of my summers with them and I have chosen to live with them now,”

“Oh,” Alex said, and then lifted a hand, scratching the back of his head, “Explains your English, then,”

“What about you?” Louis said, “What are you doing here?”

“I’m visiting,” he said, “I’m from a small town, I had to get out,”

“Where are you staying?” he asked, and Alex swallowed.

“Got a room in a hotel. I don’t remember the name, just where it is,”

Louis smiled, his eyes flickering, “Is it far? I’d like to see it,”

He stuck his tongue out to lap at the cone again, and Alex could see the ghost of a smirk on his lips, the sparkle in his eyes.

He swallowed thickly and shoved his hands into his pocket trousers.

“It’s not that bad of a walk,”

*******

As soon as they were inside Alex’s rented room, Alex pressed Louis’s body to the door and held his face in his hands.

“Thought I’d never get to see you again,” he gasped. Louis smiled and lifted his hand to grip Alex’s cheek in one hand.

“How unfortunate for me,” he said, and Alex snorted.

“You’re still such a fucking brat,”

“And you still talk too much,” Louis countered.

Alex shook his head and leaned forward, kissing the side of Louis’s neck, the skin salty with sweat and warmed from the sun. Louis groaned and lifted a hand, carding his fingers through Alex’s hair that gone unruly in the humidity.

“God, thought about you so much,” Alex murmured against Louis’s shoulder, kissing the skin that was now exposed since his shirt has come a bit loose off his shoulder, “You ruined me, you know that? Had a bird try to come to mine the first night I got back and I had to turn her down because she wasn’t you, _fuck_ ,”

Louis groaned again and pushed up, against Alex’s mouth, and then pressed a hand between them, curling his fingers into Alex’s shirt.

“I have thought of you, too,” he breathed out. Alex paused, his lips frozen on Louis’s skin, and he slowly lifted his head and blinked at the other man.

“You did?”

Louis just blinked at him and then shook his head.

“Mostly I thought about your cock,”

Alex snorted and pushed his body closer to Louis, making the other man press flush against the door, exhaling softly. The breath tickled Alex’s nose, the very sound of it ran loud as all in hell in his ears.

“You thought about kissing me?” Alex asked, “Because I sure have,”

Louis just gazed and at him, and Alex exhaled, his breath shuddering.

“Come on,” he murmured, “Got your damn lips right in front of me, but I’m not gonna kiss you until you tell me I can,”

Louis’s brows creased, his pretty, pretty lips turning down at the corners.

“I did not ask you before I kissed you at the house,”

“Yeah, I know, baby, I know. But you gotta tell me now. You just…you have to,”

Louis blinked at him again, and then finally, his lips lifted at the corners, and he brought a hand up, gripping Alex by the chin.

“Such a silly boy you are,” he said, “You can kiss me, _cheri_ ,”

Alex sighed again, his breath shaking, and then he finally leaned forward, pressing his mouth firmly to Louis’s, his lips sticky and sugary sweet. Alex would want to kiss him forever anyways, but now he could eat him alive.

He didn’t dare pull away until Louis’s small but strong hands were gripping his shoulders, tugging at him, and he pulled back, still feeling the sticky, sugary residue on his mouth as Louis gazed at him, his mouth hanging open a bit.

“You found me again,” Alex said before Louis could say anything, “One of the biggest cities in the world, and I found you on the exact street I needed licking a damn ice cream cone,”

Louis smirked a bit and shook his head.

“Maybe I tracked you down,” Louis said, “Maybe I just wanted a pretty boy who would shut up and fuck me,”

Alex’s cheeks heated at that, and clearly, they colored, too, because Louis smirked even more and reached up to grip his chin again, pulled him close.

“You can be a good boy, yes?” he blinked, “Do what I say?”

“Please,” Alex said. He didn’t exactly want his voice to shake so much, but it came out ragged and rushed and desperate, “I think too damn much these days. Need – “

He couldn’t say the next words, so he closed his mouth, swallowed the words back. Louis kept staring at him, and he finally shifted his hand to cup Alex’s cheek.

“The private needs orders,” he murmured, “I understand,”

He dropped his hand and then nodded to the rest of the room.

“Your bed, _cheri_ , I’d like you to fuck me on a bed this time,”

“Right,” Alex nodded immediately, “Yes, of course,”

He pulled away, and Louis’s hand fell away from his cheek. He went to grab Louis’s hand and he didn’t protest, just smiled up at him almost serenely, like he would do whatever Alex wanted to lead him to.

But as soon as Alex pulled him to the bed, Louis pushed him down, gripping his shoulders tightly, and then pulled up, until just his fingertips were ghosting Alex’s shoulders.

“Watch,” Louis breathed out, and then was backing up to stand fully in front of the bed. His fingers first went to his belt, undoing it and letting the material at his waist loosen. He undid his shorts and let them drop to the floor, and then he unbuttoned his shirt, revealing pink and tan skin and trails of hair along his chest and his soft belly. He left the shirt open and his pants on as he bent down to kick away his shoes and shorts.

Alex kept watching, because Louis’s eyes were on him the whole time, his sugar-ridden lips grinning. But when he finally got down to his shirt and pants he turned around, his back to the bed, but still glanced over his shoulder as he pulled his shirt off, revealing lithe, tight shoulders and a delicate back.

Alex lifted a hand up, bit his thumb tightly.

“Fuckin’ tease,” he murmured, and Louis just grinned again and then finally moved his hands to his hips, pushing at his pants.

“You asked me at the house if I was naked on purpose,” Louis said, “To tempt you,”

“Yeah,” Alex laughed weakly, “I remember,”

“Well,” Louis said, and then finally pulled his pants completely off, his arse pale and round and exactly like Alex remembered it, “I was,”

“Good fucking Christ,” Alex gritted out, “You’re trying to kill me,”

Louis smiled and then turned, giving Alex a good view of his slender waist and his flared hips and his cock; Alex could finally see his cock, half-hard and pink and gorgeous. He wandered back over to the bed, and then gripped Alex by the front of his shirt, pulling him up until Alex was tilting his head and allowing Louis to press his mouth to his in another kiss.

“I do not need you undressed,” Louis murmured against Alex’s mouth, “But I have not seen you nude yet, and I’d like to,”

“Alright,” Alex said, and he tried to lift his hands to undo his shirt but Louis smacked his hands away and went for the buttons himself. He undid Alex’s shirt, pushing it away from his torso, and then went for his trousers, undoing the button and then roughly shoving both his trousers and pants down to his thighs, letting his hardening cock pop out and rest against his stomach.

Louis didn’t move to pull away his clothes completely, so Alex shifted his hips and tried to catch his eyes.

“Well?” Alex said, “Like what you see?”

“You are alright,” Louis said flatly, and then pulled away, “Get the rest of your clothes off while I get the Vaseline, there is probably some in the bathroom,”

Alex nodded and Louis walked away, back towards the attached washroom. Alex quickly yanked his shirt away, then pulled off his shoes and socks and then pulled his pants and trousers down, leaving them randomly scattered about the room.

Louis finally came back with a tin of Vaseline, and he smiled before climbing onto the bed, bracketing Alex’s hips with his thighs. He dipped his fingertips into the tin and then reached forward and gripped Alex’s length, rubbing the jelly over it. Alex groaned at the touch and allowed his head to fall back onto the mattress, and he heard Louis chuckle over him.

“I’d like to suck your cock someday,” Louis said. Alex’s eyes flew open and he saw Louis’s wrist twist, working a groan out of Alex’s throat.

“Who was the last person to suck your cock, _cheri_? Some bird in a pub?”

“Ah,” Alex groaned as Louis’s hand twisted on his length again, slicking it up more, “Maybe,”

“Maybe,” Louis parroted, “And I bet you closed your pretty eyes and imagined it was me and you spilled right into her mouth, is that right? Did not realize I was not there until you had to wipe lipstick off your prick?”

Alex didn’t know why his cock twitched at that, right in Louis’s hand, but it did. Louis lifted his gaze, his eyes firm.

“You like this,” Louis said.

“I like you touching me, Christ, yeah,”

“No, you like when I insult you,” Louis said.

Alex gritted his teeth and closed his eyes, letting his head fall back.

He was rock hard and his prick was covered in jelly, did it fucking matter how he got that way?

Yeah, it did, especially when he’d been pulling himself off for months to the thought of Louis’s sharp tongue and sweet mouth.

He opened his eyes when he felt Louis’s hand pull away from his length, and he watched as Louis dipped his fingers back into the tin and then reached behind himself. His eyes fluttered closed and he groaned, the muscles in his arm twitching as he probably found his hole, toyed with it and slicked it up.

Alex reached out to try to help him but Louis’s eyes flew up and he smacked him away with his free hand.

“Just want to touch you, fucking Christ,” Alex groaned, and then shook his head as he kept his gaze on Louis’s firm eyes.

“You fucking ruined me, you know that?” he said, “I’ve always liked girls. Could’ve found a nice, sweet one but I found you instead,”

Louis’s face shifted, and Alex opened his mouth, his lip shaking a bit.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he said, “I really didn’t, I – “

But he couldn’t even say anything because Louis was tossing the tin of jelly away, probably making a mess all over the floor, and then he leaned forward, pressing his sticky fingers to Alex’s chest. He lifted his hips, and he rolled them forward, the curve of his bum brushing Alex’s cock.

“Do not speak,” Louis snapped, “Do not speak unless you are saying my name,”

Alex’s mouth snapped shut, and Louis nodded, and then he was lifted himself up again, reaching down to grip Alex’s length at the base and get it upright.

And then he was driving himself straight down on his cock, and they both weakly yelped at the same moment. Alex watched Louis carefully, saw the way his open mouth quivered and his eyelashes fluttered. His voice was soft, so soft as he mumbled to himself, and Alex had to strain to hear, only catching a few snippets of French he couldn’t understand.

Then Louis opened his eyes and dropped his hands back to Alex’s chest, gripped onto his skin as he shifted his hips, bouncing against him. His bum slapped rather loudly against Alex’s thighs and Alex’s eyes widened, afraid someone might hear, but then Louis was bringing his hand forward, pressing to Alex’s throat and tipping his head back, and he couldn’t find the energy to care.

“Alex,” Louis said, and his voice was strained and panting and his skin was still fucking slapping but Alex was going to cling to every word he offered, “Listen to me, _cheri_ ,”

Alex nodded as best he could with Louis’s hand around his neck, and Louis smiled, still bouncing all the while.

“I have lost track of the pricks I have let near me,” Louis said, “Men are so desperate, so afraid of themselves. Especially now. Especially in this war,”

“Louis,” Alex said sharply. He didn’t want to hear about the other men that had touched Louis, had fucked him open. But Louis wanted to hear his own name, so Alex wasn’t about to say ‘stop.’

“They are so afraid they will fuck me and forget me. But that is alright because I forget them,”

Louis twisted his hips and Alex groaned, closed his eyes. His hands twitched usually and he reached up to touch Louis’s chest, his hips, but Louis caught his hands and pinned his wrists down. Alex opened his eyes again and saw Louis looking right at him, his pupils blown and his lashes wet.

“But you…” Louis said, “I can not forget you,”

Alex opened his mouth, his lips quivering, but Louis shook his head, leaned forward. He leaned forward until their chests were pressed to each other, until Alex could feel Louis’s heartbeat against his own.

“If I have ruined you,” Louis said, “Then you have waged your own war upon me,”

“Louis,” Alex groaned again, and struggled weakly against Louis’s hands. This time, he let him go, and Alex reached up and gripped Louis’s face in his hands. He didn’t even pull him down for a kiss, just gazed at him, out of words.

“You have found me again,” Louis said softly. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to Alex’s temple, then hovered by his ear, “ _Mon ange_ ,”

Alex didn’t know what it meant, but Louis said it so delicately, and he groaned and bucked his hips up into Louis, making the other man whine. He pushed back in response, and for a moment, Alex floated back to the surface, realizing he was covered in Vaseline and he was having his first real fuck in months with a man he had been dreaming about since the moment he left for the beach at Dunkirk.

“Louis,” he breathed again, “You – “

“No,” Louis cut in, “Do not say anything that is not my name. Please. Only say my name, so I can remember how it sounds on your tongue if you leave me again,”

“Never,” Alex said, “I’ll find a way to see you again, I – “

“Shut up,” Louis gasped, and then rolled back hard onto Alex’s length, “Please, shut up,”

His voice cracked a bit, and immediately, Alex grabbed the other man’s face and pulled him down, until he was cradling Louis’s head against his own chest, combing his fingertips through his hair. Louis kept pushing down on his cock, and Alex lifted his hips to meet him, making Louis whimper into his skin.

They carried on like that, Louis flushed to his chest, their hips moving in sync with each other, and then Alex cursed weakly and his body shuddered as he felt himself release. Louis groaned and bucked himself on Alex’s softening length, and then he was spilling all over Alex’s belly and Alex didn’t even care, God, could never care when Louis was whimpering against his chest like this.

It was several minutes before Louis peeled his body away and dropped off onto the unoccupied side of the mattress, leaving Alex sticky and spent. He heard Louis breathing heavily beside him, trying to catch his breath the best he could, and then finally, Alex spoke, addressing the ceiling as he did.

“What – what did you call me? The French thing?”

Louis snorted.

“What? _Cheri_?”

“No, the other thing,”

“Oh,” Louis said, “ _Mon ange_. It means my angel,”

Alex’s throat felt tight and he shook his head.

“I’m not exactly an angel,”

“Mm,” Louis replied, “Maybe you just look like one,”

“No, I’m being serious,” Alex said, “I’m not – I’m not good, Louis. Like, I – “

He swallowed, and suddenly his ears were filled with the sound of a tide that couldn’t come in fast enough, and he could nearly feel the weight of an unfamiliar rifle in his hands.

“The last time I talked to someone from your country, it wasn’t great,” he said. But Louis only snorted again.

“And you were not the last Englishman I spoke to,” he said, “But they were all more pleasant than you,”

Alex swallowed. He wanted to tell Louis about the things he had done, tell him about the blood on his hands. There had to be some. After all, he had never seen that French boy again.

But not now. Not with a beautiful, warm man next to him.

“They were better lays than me, too, I bet,” Alex said instead.

Louis was silent at that and Alex frowned and then finally looked over at the man sprawled on the sheets beside him, who hadn’t even bothered to throw a sheet over his soft cock.

“What?”

“I have not slept with anyone,” Louis said softly, “Not since you,”

“Why?”

“I did not want to,” Louis said, and then shifted, came closer, “Remember what I said, you have waged war on me,”

Finally, Louis was pressed to Alex’s chest, and then reached up to push a long piece of hair away from his forehead, and then he reached his hand up to trace over Alex’s mouth.

“How long will you be here in London?” he asked softly, and Alex opened his mouth, felt Louis’s fingertips shift over top of his mouth as he did so.

“However long I can afford to stay in this room,” he finally said.

Louis nodded, but his eyes sparked a bit.

“I think,” he said, “My aunt and uncle may have a spare room available. Particularly for any weary soldiers,”

Alex blinked at him, and Louis just looked back firmly, but his eyes shifted, like Alex saying no would shatter his damn heart.

Like he would ever say no.

“You going to show me the city if I stay, then?”

Louis grinned and then leaned forward, then his lips were ghosting over Alex’s own, breathing his own breath into his lungs.

“Yes,” he said, and Alex could hear a smile in his voice, “Perhaps I could even take you to get ice cream.”

*******

The apartment Louis’s aunt and uncle own was fairly big for the city, and overlooked a bustling street from one side and a blossoming park from the other.

And except for one room, all the beds are perfectly turned down, like no one had been staying there.

“Are they home?” Alex asked as he followed Louis down the main hallway, peeking his head into each and every doorway, “Your uncle and your aunt?”

“No, they are in France, assisting with the effort over there,” Louis said, “They said I can stay here since I have leave. No rent,”

“So, it’s just you and me,” Alex said, and looked over his shoulder.

“You say that like it is a problem _, cheri_ ,” Louis said, and Alex paused.

“Not a problem,” he said quickly, and Louis smiled. He tapped the doorway of one room with his fingernail.

“This is my room,” he said, and then stepped forward and pressed a hand to the room next to it, “And this is the spare room. It is yours. We will share a bathroom, if that is alright?”

“I’ve seen plenty of you, seeing more won’t bother me,” Alex said, and it made Louis grin.

“Good, good,” Louis said “I cannot cook very well but I will try. And you can make your own food as well,”

“I’ll starve, then, trying to cook for myself,”

Louis snorted and shook his head.

“Useless, useless,” he said. He wandered down the hall, lifting his arms over his head. He stopped short at the entrance of his own room, and turned to Alex.

“Well, you can pick something out,” he said, “Come get me if you would like,”

“That’s it?” Alex lifted a brow, “That’s the end of the tour,”

“There is not much more to show you,” Louis shrugged, “You will get to know it well, I’m sure,”

“I guess,” Alex shrugged, “How long can I stay?”

Louis shrugged.

“You tell me when you would like to leave,” Louis said, “If that is in ten years, it is in ten years. If it is in an hour, it is an hour. Just clean your room before you go,”

Louis twisted the knob of his bedroom door and then went inside, leaving Alex alone once more.

However long he stayed here, he hoped it was long enough to figure out what the hell went on in Louis’s head.

*******

Louis made good on his promise to show Alex around the city.

In fact, the very next day, he bounced into the kitchen wearing a pair of dark shorts and an expensive looking shirt made of striped red and white fabric.

“Come along,” he chirped, already going to the door to gather up a jacket and the keys that were lying on the table near the door.

“Where are we going?” Alex asked, his eyebrows knitting as he watched Louis. He was half-way through drinking a glass of milk, and he wasn’t even dressed.

“Around,” Louis shrugged, and then glanced over Alex and sighed, “Clean yourself up, _cheri_ , I’m going to show you London,”

Alex didn’t even take the time to explain that he barely had any good clothes, because the only thing he had brought with him to the apartment was the bag he had packed for London in the first place. His original trip was only supposed to be for a long weekend, so he wasn’t even sure where the rest of all his _things_ were supposed to come from.

He just left the kitchen and went he came back, he was in a shirt and trousers that were at least clean. Louis was leaning against the door, tossing his keys into the air a few inches above his hand, and then catching them over and over again in his palm. His eyes flickered briefly over Alex’s outfit, but he still smiled as he straightened up.

“I think we can go to the park,” he said, “And then to lunch. We can go shopping, if you’d like,”

“I don’t have any money,”

“I do,” Louis said easily.

Alex just looked at him and frowned.

“How?” he asked, and Louis waved his hand around the apartment.

“My grandfather worked very hard, and his sons got to enjoy the benefits. And then my father worked hard, and I get to enjoy twice as much,”

Alex filed that away in the pitiful file of information he had about Louis as the other man turned and opened the door and led them out into the hall.

*******

Louis bounced around the city easily, pointing to buildings and signs as he dragged Alex along. Well, not dragged. Alex was following him because he wanted to be there, but he also got the feeling that he shouldn’t dare stray from Louis’s side. They went to some parks and a random street market that had been set up, and Louis bought bags of food and a couple new books and a new shirt. Alex lingered at his elbow the whole time, and then Louis ducked into a nearby store and came out with a black paper bag.

“Here,” he said, “A gift, for accompanying me today,”

Alex just blinked at Louis, and then peeked into the bag to see some kind of fabric, probably a shirt.

“Louis, I can’t – “

“In my country it’s rather rude to refuse a gift, you know,” Louis interrupted. Alex lifted his head and met his firm gaze, which was enough to make him swallow.

“Thank you,” he managed, and Louis nodded.

“You’re welcome,” he said, “Are you hungry?”

Alex was extremely hungry, and thirsty, too, so he nodded. They went to a restaurant that was close enough, and even though the sun was still mercilessly beating down on them while they ate.

“So, um,” Alex asked once they were seated and they menus had been taken away by the server, “What is it that your family does?”

Louis turned back to him and lifted an eyebrow, making Alex ramble on.

“At the apartment, I don’t know, you made it sound like your family has money,”

“Yes,” Louis agreed simply.

“So…where did that money come from?”

“Some kind of business,” Louis shrugged, “It does not interest me. I will pay attention to it when my father is dead,”

Alex just stared at him, but Louis seemed unbothered by the comment he had made.

It took Alex until nearly the end of their meal, in the middle of Louis lighting a cigarette, for him to find the ability to ask another question.

“How old are you?” he asked, and Louis just glanced at him. He spread his hand out, the veins in the back of his hand straining as his fag hung between his fingers.

“Twenty-five,” he answered before he lifted the cigarette to his mouth. As he exhaled, he looked over at Alex again, “Is it question time for you?”

“I was just curious,” Alex said, “I’m living with you now and I don’t know much about you aside from your name,”

“That is fair,” Louis said, “But I could also say the same about you. I don’t know anything about you, Alexander,”

He smiled as he looked over at him.

“Is that your full name?”

“Um, yes,”

“Wonderful. Good start. Now I get another question. Where are you from?” Louis asked. He exhaled and rotated the cigarette in his hand until the cherry pointed up, and Alex found himself fixated on the glowing red point.

“Manchester,” he said, and Louis nodded. He lifted the cigarette up again, and Alex followed his movement.

“I went there maybe once,” Louis sighed, “Is it always dull or was I there on a particularly boring day?”

Alex snorted and shook his head.

“Well, ah, I’m from outside the main city. Smaller town and all. So, I can’t speak for the city itself,”

“Ah,” Louis smiled and tilted his head, “I’m from somewhere small, too. I do not see the point in telling you where, though. You would not even know it,”

“I wouldn’t?”

“No,” Louis said, and shook his head as he grinned, “It is like a speck of dust. It would blow away tomorrow and no one would notice,”

“Not even you?” Alex asked, “Not even your family?”

“I have no use for that place anymore,” Louis said firmly. He set the cigarette down, plunging it into the ashtray on the table in front of them. Alex watched him, watched the flickering red dot disappear amongst the ash. He had no choice but to lift his gaze and look into Louis’s eyes.

“I have not been back in a very long time,” Louis shrugged. His mouth lifted in a smile, but it seemed a bit forced. As he spoke, his mouth loosened, the smile becoming more and more natural.

“Besides, what use do I have for that little place when I am here, in London, on a beautiful day with such a handsome English private?”

Alex couldn’t remember a time in his life anything had made him blush, but Louis’s words sure as hell did the trick. Louis just grinned at him, then waved a hand to Alex’s sweating water glass and his half-empty plate.

“Have you finished eating, _cheri_?” he asked. Alex resisted the urge to glance around them, to see if anyone had an issue with the pet name Louis had just called him.

“I think so,”

“Then I will get someone to wrap it up for later,” Louis said. He lifted his hand, waving to a nearby server, and almost instantly, he was at there table, clearing up.

“What else would you like to do today?” Louis asked. Alex’s voice felt out of practice as he spoke.

“Anything you’d like,” he said.

For a moment, the sun circle perfectly above them, and the gleam in Louis’s eyes turned liquid gold in the sunlight.

*******

It wasn’t until a week had passed that anything… _more_ happened between them.

They wandered around the apartment in tandem. Alex tried not to set anything on fire as he cooked for himself for the first time in ages. Louis watched him with amusement, but other did not say much. He stayed in his room, or ran errands, or otherwise sat in the sunshine of the living room, reading books or smoking with a window cracked open nearby.

And then, Alex was standing in the kitchen, scrubbing up his plate from dinner,

Then he felt a body behind him.

Louis’s body felt pliant and warm, his skin a little damp and smelling like the sharp-smelling soap in the main bathroom. And he was bare. Completely, utterly bare.

“ _Bonjour, ange_ ,” he hummed, and kissed the curve of Alex’s shoulder, which wound tight under his touch.

“Hey,” Alex returned, and it made Louis laugh.

“What are you doing?”

“Washing up,” Alex said. He reached out and turned off the water, letting the plate clatter to the bottom of the sink, “Unless you had a better idea,”

“Hm, no,” Louis said, “You finish washing up. S’very important, you know, to stay tidy,”

“I can do it in the morning,” Alex said a bit too quickly. He turned, Louis’s arms loosening around him to allow him to do. He tilted his head down, and Louis looked up with wide eyes and a smile, like he was surprised to see how eager Alex was.

“You’re naked,”

“And you’re hard,” Louis countered. He lifted a hand and brushed his fringe out of the way before he sighed, “You have not shown me your room yet. That’s very rude,”

“You’ve stayed here longer than I have, you’ve already seen it,”

Louis narrowed his eyes at Alex and then pushed forward, grabbing hold of his collar. He pushed his chin up, and Alex leaned down, meeting him. Louis breathed out, loud and ragged, and then pressed his lips firmly to Louis’s. The other man pressed his tongue to the seam of Alex’s lips, making him open his mouth a bit more so it could slip inside, just for a moment. Louis pulled back, making Alex blink and lean forward blindly for him before he even opened his eyes. He heard Louis laugh, and smooth a hand over his chest, holding him in place.

“It is alright,” Louis chuckled. Alex opened his eyes, and tried to find something to focus on. He couldn’t decide whether his gaze should land on Louis’s eyes or his mouth. They were both a pretty sight to look at.

While Alex was distracted, Louis gripped Alex’s hand in his own, and tugged.

“Come,” he said softly, “ _Allez_ ,”

Alex vaguely remembered that was the last time Louis had said to him in Dunkirk. For awhile, he thought that was going to be the last thing he was ever going to hear him say.

It was enough for him to pick up his feet and follow Louis.

Of course Louis knew was his room was already. He found it immediately, and tugged Alex inside. He didn’t bother to close the door. There wasn’t really a point, anyways.

Louis’s hands were on Alex’s buttons immediately, trying to pry them open, and Alex just let him. His shirt fell away, and he reached for Louis again, who accepted another long kiss from Alex. Eventually, he pushed on his hip, shoving him away.

“Bed,” he said firmly. Alex followed the instruction, and once he was lying down, Louis came over and swung one leg over Alex’s hips, bracketing himself around him.

“What do you want, darling?” Louis hummed as he got his fingers on Alex’s belt, “Something soft? Did you want me to lay under you and blink at you?”

“No,” Alex got out. Louis’s fingers at brushed the front of his crotch, and he twitched, “God, no,”

“Good, good,” Louis smiled, “Then maybe I will hold you down by your wrists instead. Maybe I will not let you speak,”

Alex groaned at that. He wasn’t sure where it came from, but…his entire body felt hot. He could imagine it. Louis’s delicate hands holding him down, not even tightly, enough for him to break away. But he couldn’t. He would stay still.

Louis frowned a bit, and then tilted his head, something crossing over his eyes as he examined Alex.

“You really do enjoy it,” Louis said, his mouth tugging into a smirk, “When I am cruel to you,”

“Not cruel,” Alex said, “I know you don’t mean it in a cruel way, that’s why I like it,”

Louis smiled, his mouth twitching again.

“You are a very odd boy,” Louis said. He curled his fingers into Alex’s chest, his fingernails scratching harshly on his skin, and Alex winced and closed his eyes.

“You like when I use your body, hm,” he said, “Like when I take whatever I need from it?”

“Yes,”

“But you are so strong, precious,” Louis cooed, and reached up to grip at Alex’s biceps, “You could knock me away, flip me over if you’d like. I am much smaller than you,”

“Uh huh,” Alex agreed, and reached out to skim his hands over Louis’s compact waist before his hands were being batted away, and Louis pressed a finger to the underside of his jaw.

“I would not like to be touched now, darling,” he said, “Perhaps later. For now, I’d like to touch. So many pretty things for me to get my hands on,”

He pressed his hands to the underside of his chest, smoothing over the rounded muscles.

“A showgirl would be jealous of your chest, darling,” he purred, “Did you ever undo your shirt, show them off for the girls? Did your tags look nice with them?”

Alex opened his dry, dry mouth, but Louis pressed a finger to his open lips.

“That was not a question I wanted you to answer,” Louis said. Alex sealed his lips tightly, and Louis smiled and ran a finger down from his lips to his chin, and then traced the edge of his jaw,  “So smooth, darling. And how old are you? You can answer me now,”

“I – “ Alex managed. His voice was dry, but he dared not swallow, not when Louis was staring him down so firmly, “Twenty-three,”

“Twenty-three,” Louis said, his tongue clicking the roof of his mouth in near disapproval, “Twenty-three, cannot grow a beard. My goodness, darling,”

He gripped Alex’s cheek tightly, then, and leaned down, finally pressing a kiss to Alex’s mouth. It was slow and languid, Louis’s lips feeling out every curve of Alex’s own, and somehow, Alex knew not to push into the kiss, not to give Louis anything. Louis was exploring. He was using him, squeezing anything out of Alex that he could.

After a few moments, Louis pulled away, but he kept a fingertip on the underside on Alex’s bottom lip.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Louis smirked, “How I could tell what were preferences would be the moment you stepped into that home in France?”

“How?” Alex asked, and then swallowed hard. He didn’t know if he was supposed to speak, but Louis just smiled as he leaned down again.

“Your mouth,” Louis said, and then pressed his lips to the corner of his lips, “You have the lips of a cocksucker,”

“Christ,” Alex breathed out, and flinched as Louis pinched his cheek.

“Tonight, my darling, you are mine. Alright? Think of nothing else,”

“No one else,” Alex echoed. Why would he. He had _this_ – summer warmed skin and and a soft body and a pretty, lilting voice -- right in front of him. Louis stroked his finger over his mouth.

“Remember, on speaking, precious. No noises, either. Be silent. Like a little mouse. _Sois beau et tais toi.”_

“Louis,” Alex groaned, “I – what if I can’t,”

“You can’t?” Louis frowned, his lips pouted exaggeratedly, “And here I thought you were going to be a perfect boy for me. Such a pretty, precious boy,”

“I can be,” Alex said, and Louis smiled, “Can be good,”

“Hm,” Louis hummed, and then smiled, “I have a very pretty scarf in my drawer, from Paris. Very expensive, the finest silk in the world. I can stuff it in your mouth if you think that’s what you’d need to behave,”

“Please,” Alex gasped out, without even thinking, and Louis smiled wider.

“You would like it?” he said, “Alright, darling. Give me a moment,”

Louis climbed off the bed, leaving Alex spread on the bed, his sheets crumpled underneath him, the only thing covering his body the evening lamplight spilling in from the high windows on the opposite wall. He heard Louis’s footsteps in the hall, the creak of the bedroom door across the way, a rustling, and then, finally, the footsteps in the hall returned. A moment later, he heard his door open, but he didn’t dare look over and watch. Instead, he waited until Louis came to him and climbed back onto the bed, his legs straddling Alex’s hips.

In his hands, he had a soft, dark blue scarf, dotted with pink and white flowers. Louis folded in over, twice, three times, until it was a thick square, and then leaned forward and held it out. Alex opened his mouth, and Louis stuffed the scarf inside, pressing determinedly. It tasted like the inside of a drawer and stung with the fresh alcohol of perfume, but none the less, Alex felt his shoulders uncoil once it was in his mouth.

“Pretty boy,” Louis smiled, “Likes his mouth filled, doesn’t he?”

Alex blinked up at, his face going hot, and Louis just gripped the sides of his face and lifted his hips, his arse skimming over the hot, hard line of Alex’s cock, making his wince and dig into teeth into the scarf.

“Stay still,” Louis said as he dropped his hands and smoothed them down Alex’s throat, to his chest, down to his belly, “And if you ruin my scarf, you will have worse in store than just being quiet.”

Alex nodded quickly, and Louis grinned once more.

His hands went to Alex’s belt again, and this time, he undid it entirely. He was a bit rough with the fabric as he pulled it off, but it didn’t exactly matter. Soon enough, Alex was naked, and his cock was hard and pressed to his belly. Louis looked at his length briefly before he turned away, instead busying himself with opening the bedside drawer. There was Vaseline there. Of course there was. Maybe Louis had had a boy in every one of these rooms already. He didn’t like to think about it, but it didn’t matter. He was the only one now.

In the next moment, Louis was reaching forward and grabbing Alex’s hand, and settled the tin into his hand.

“Alright,” Louis said. He lifted himself up onto his knees and rotated, until his arse was display. He got onto hands in front of Alex, pushing himself back, “Make sure I am ready,”

Alex just blinked in front of him, at Louis’s firm, smooth skin. Eventually he twisted open the Vaseline with unsure hands, and then dipped his fingers inside. He brought them up and smoothed some jelly over Louis’s hole, making the other man shudder a bit. Alex brought up his free hand, petting over Louis’s bum and hip, and he kept smoothing his fingers over his hole, getting it slick.

“You can do more than that,” Louis snapped. Alex jumped and nodded, even though Louis couldn’t see him. He prodded at the tight ring of muscle with one finger, and then felt secure enough to slip his fingertip in. Louis groaned and rocked forward before leaning back into Alex’s touch, driving his finger even deeper. Alex pushed in a bit more and Louis whined again, reedy and high and pretty.

“ _Good_ ,” Louis choked out. His accent sounded thicker, overtaking much of his voice. Alex kept rocking his finger inside, making Louis made the same high sounds.

“More,” Louis choked out, “More, _cheri_ , more,”

Alex hesitated, and kept his one finger still inside Louis, and then eventually worked up the courage to slide in a second alongside the first.

Louis howled and rocked back, and once more, Alex started moving his fingers back and forth, back and forth. He wasn’t sure if Louis really was enjoying this so much or was put on a bit of an act. Still, he was going to take it.

Eventually, Louis smacked Alex’s shin with one hand, getting his attention.

“Now,” he breathed out, “Now, darling, I’m ready,”

Alex didn’t have the ability to ask if Louis was sure. The scarf was still plastered into his mouth. He would have to trust him. He was trusting Louis with a lot right now – that Louis would only tease, not hurt Alex or himself.

Louis turned back around, and when he was hovering over Alex again, his eyes were wide and dark, his cheeks brilliant pink. He grabbed Alex’s length, making him jump a bit, and then lifted his own hips up. Alex lifted his hands to possibly grip Louis’s hips and help, but the other man shook his head.

Instead, he kept one hand on Alex’s length, and the other on Alex’s belly, and then slowly lowered his hips down, until Alex could feel himself being swallowed by Louis’s heat.

He groaned, the sound muffled by the scarf in his mouth. Louis didn’t acknowledge him, he was far too distracted. His eyes were screwed shut, and he mouth as a bitten-red ‘O’ as he whined. Eventually he was far enough down that he let go of the base of Alex’s cock and instead settled both hands on Alex’s belly. He started bouncing, more his body up and down with practiced ease, even if his face was scrunched up tightly, his mouth his expelling sharp little “oh’s.”

Again, Alex tried to reach for his hips, and again, he was slapped away. But this time Louis finally made good on his promise and grabbed Alex’s wrists, pinning them tightly to the mattress.

“Be a good boy,” Louis breathed out, “Next time I will get you another scarf, one for your mouth and one for you hands. Hm? Then I can really make sure you are alright,”

Alex blinked at him with wide eyes, and Louis just smiled and leaned down, kissing Alex’s cheek.

“You can spit that scarf out if it its too much. I will not be angry with you,” Louis said. Alex closed his eyes and nodded and hoped it would be enough to make Louis know that he understood.

Louis lifted himself back up and keep bouncing, kept working himself on Alex’s cock, but now he also lifted a hand from his wrist and instead cupped Alex’s cheek, stroking the side of his face with his thumb.

“Such a pretty boy,” he hummed, “Such a pretty, sweet boy for me,”

Alex groaned against the scarf, and Louis thumbed at his cheek more.

“I know, I know. Let’s take our time, alright?”

His voice was so sweet and so soft Alex had no trouble nodding.

With his hands pinned down and his mouth stuffed, Alex could do nothing but gaze in front of him, at the man who was bouncing on him, pink and sweaty and beautiful. All the while he could not forget how harsh his mouth could be any other time, and Louis’s hand on his wrists was still a constantly presence, even if it was not strong enough to truly hold him down.

Even if Louis taking his damn time, it did not take long for Alex’s body to coil up, his skin flushing hot, and then he spilled into Louis, making the other man cry out. He bounced faster, trying to get the most out of Alex while he was still hard, and eventually, his cock started to weep and then spill steadily. He finished entirely when Louis released Alex’s wrists and instead got a hand on himself, pulling out the last of his release.

As soon as it was over, Louis collapsed against Alex, dragging a hand over his belly and chest as he did so. He reached out and tugged the scarf out of Alex’s mouth and tossed it aside, then pressed his lips to Alex’s mouth before curling himself under Alex’s chin. His breathing was heavy, and Alex lifted a hand, smoothing it over Louis’s shoulder. He didn’t shake him away.

“Was – “ Alex started, but Louis lifted his head before he could finish.

“You were wonderful, darling,” Louis smiled, “Are you alright? I didn’t use you too badly?”

“No,” Alex breathed out, “No, it was – it was great,”

“Great,” Louis parroted with a laugh, “I am glad. You’ll let me know if I ever hurt you, won’t you?”

Alex nodded quickly, and Louis just mirrored the movement and then settled his head back down on Alex’s chest.

It was maybe an hour later that Louis finally lifted himself off, smoothing a hand over Alex’s cheek.

“I’m going to take a bath,” he said, “Would you like to come?”

“Yes,” Alex said quickly.

Louis smiled, kissed his forehead, and just held him there for a moment before he full turned to go out of the room, forcing Alex to follow.

*******

It was driving Alex mad, living with Louis and yet barely seeing him.

Louis remained elusive out of bed, still. Still lounging in the living room. Still offering to take Alex to see places. But it wasn’t enough. Louis hadn’t given him any information beyond his small town he didn’t visit anymore. He made teasing statements and then when Alex would ask him to explain, he would clam up, disappearing into somewhere deep and hidden within himself.

It was two weeks, now. The war was alive outside London, but it had not come to the city’s front steps yet, so life carried on as normal. Louis brought up a bag of bread every morning from the bakery, went to the flower shop on Saturdays to get something to put on the table. Things remained busy and normal, except for Alex’s constant, fleeting thoughts about his roommate.

That was all he could safely qualify Louis as at this point.

One day, he had started to get restless, having nothing to look at or do.

“I think I’m going to get a job,” he said one day. He was already dressed to go out, and Louis glanced up from the pot he was stirring on the stove.

“In London?”

“Well, yes,” Alex said, “Just for the summer,”

“Ah,” Louis nodded, “So you plan to stay that long, then?”

“I – “ Alex stuttered, “I guess,”

“Well,” Louis sighed, “ _Bon chance_ , then,”

He turned back to his cooking, and Alex just watched him before he finally went out. He was looking for work for money and more importantly, a distraction. That was the whole point.

Soon he would have something else to occupy his mind.

*******

Finding a job in London was far easier than Alex anticipated. Or maybe he just got lucky. He went to the bakery, and exchanged a few sentences of small talk. Somewhere along the way, he mentioned he was living with a friend, and gave Louis’s name. As it turned out, this was the bakery where Louis was always buying bread, and the owner was quite fond of him. Twenty minutes later, Alex had heard far too much about the woman’s adoration for Louis’s accent, and he also had a job as a delivery boy in the mornings for a few pounds an hour.  

He got back to the apartment within the hour, and when Louis just looked at him with lifted eyebrows, Alex forced himself to say something.

“I have a job,” he said, “Probably thanks to you, actually. I’m working for that bakery you like, I think the owner is in love with you,”

Louis scoffed and lifted his book up.

“If she was really in love with me, I would be getting my bread for free,”

It was the end of that.

*******

Alex spent another two weeks living in limbo. In the mornings he woke up and went to the bakery, dropping bags of muffins and bread rolls off at an array of houses and businesses. He went back to the bakery after he was done, had breakfast of his own, and then had time to go back to the apartment before he was needed for afternoon deliveries.

Sometimes he went home and Louis wasn’t in his room or out in the open, so he must be entertaining himself in his own way.

The only time Louis spoke to him was to tease him, or to grab him from behind and see if Alex wanted to do anything in their rooms. He usually did. It was hard to say no to Louis like that.

The whole time, though, Alex had not been sleeping. He thought maybe he’d been having nightmares, although he couldn’t quite remember all of them. He just knew he woke up too much times in a sweat, and it was enough to make him never to fall asleep in the first place.

Then, one Sunday, he just decided to stay awake. He wouldn’t work the next morning. There was no point in pulling his unconscious thoughts back into the war. He was almost sure that was what his nightmares were about, at least. He had enough memories he’d been stowing away to last him the rest of his life.

But for tonight, he would stay awake. He was thirsty, anyways.

He got out of bed. And he stood, his bones clicking into place, and he wandered down the hallway and to the kitchen. He heard the music before he got there, so it didn’t surprise him that he wasn’t the only one awake. In the kitchen, the low music coming from the radio washed over everything, the only light coming from the big windows of the living room that let in London’s street light. Louis was standing in the middle of the floor, wearing a long, flimsy robe that was a bit too open in the front. He had his ankles crossed, and he was drinking milk out of a glass bottle, his eyes closed.

Alex took another step forward, his bare feet slapping the floor enough to make Louis open his eyes. He looked startled, and he tore the milk from his mouth and set it down the kitchen counter, gathering up the fabric of his robe with his other hand.  

“Hello,” he murmured.

“Hi,” Alex said, “Sorry, I didn’t want to bother you,”

“You are not,” Louis said. He straightened up, his hand still clutched to his chest, and he pushed a hand through his hair, “Is it too loud in here?”

“No, it’s fine. I can’t sleep anyways. Bad dreams and all,”

“Of course,” Louis nodded.

Alex just looked at him, and then moved past him, into the kitchen. He found a water glass and then went to the counter, where there was always a carafe that somehow remained filled. He glanced over his shoulder at Louis as he filled it, even though the other man wasn’t looking at him anymore.

“The same for you?” he asked, and Louis lifted his head again, his eyebrows knitting in confusion.

“Bad dreams,” Alex clarified right before he lifted the water to his mouth. Louis’s face smoothed over and he nodded.

“Among other things,”

Alex nodded and swallowed down his drink before letting the glass down. He came forward, his feet skimming on the floor. Louis looked up, and finally smiled as Alex came closer.

“Can I kiss you?” Alex asked, and Louis blinked up at him, his smile wavering a bit before it solidified once more.

“I am afraid I do not have the energy for much else,”

“Just a kiss,” Alex rushed out, “Just a kiss, I promise,”

Louis blinked at him again, and then he leaned forward, letting Alex touch his mouth fully. His lips were slick and sweet with milk, and he smiled gently against Alex’s mouth before he pulled away, lifting a hand to his chest again.

“What’re you thinking about?” Alex asked, and Louis shook his head.

“Nothing,” Louis smiled, “It is silly,”

“Tell me,” he pressed, “Please,”

Louis smiled and tilted his head.

“It is just…” he said, and then patted his chest, once, twice, gently and rhythmically, “That is how my heart feels with you, _mon ange_. Like it is making music,”

Alex stared at him, and Louis easily met his gaze, like he always did, but if Alex looked closely enough he could see his eyes flicker with some uncertainty.

“Do you remember when we were in Dunkirk,” Alex said, “And you told me I looked like a romantic?”

Louis smirked and nodded.

“Well,” Alex said, “Pot, kettle,”

“I do not know what that means,”

“It – “

“No, no, do not explain it. I think I know what your English expression is supposed to mean,” Louis said, tilting his head, “You are calling me a hypocrite,”

“A good one,”

Louis just sighed, and backed away.

“Do not tease me,” Louis said firmly, and Alex shook his head.

“M’not,” he said, “Baby, I’m not,”

Louis just looked at him and then brushed past Alex, going to grab his milk. He opened the small refrigerator in the corner of the room and shoved it inside, and then straightened back up. He didn’t bother to gather up the front of his dressing gown his time, and Alex got an eyeful of tan skin, dark hair, and one dusky nipple.

“I will let you be alone,” Louis murmured, “Good night,”

Alex nodded, and watched as Louis started to go from the room.

But he couldn’t let him disappear.

“Louis,” he called.

The other man stopped and turned, just looking at Alex evenly. It was enough to make his mouth feel a bit dry, but he wasn’t about to reach for his water now.

“If your nightmares ever get bad,” he said, “You can come to my room. Or I can come to yours. And we can just – we can just lay together. Nothing more. Just something to help us sleep,”

Louis just blinked at him, tilted his head.

“Is that a ploy?” he asked. His voice was teasing, but even in the darkness, Alex could see it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“No,” Alex said firmly, “No, I – I want you to be able to sleep. And if you’d like me there to help you, just tell me. Or come find me. Okay?”

Louis stared at him. He did not speak, he did not smile. He just looked.

And then he turned, and like Louis did too often, he left.

*******

Three nights later, Alex heard footsteps in the doorway of his room.

He was in bed, a long way from being asleep, and without even hesitant, he rolled over and gazed towards the door. The light wasn’t on in the hallway, and still, Louis’s body stood out against the space behind him, his body a dark and lovely silhouette. Even in the dark, Alex could feel his gaze, firm and questioning, seeking an answer to a question Alex already knew he wasn’t going to ask.

So Alex wordlessly lifted the corner of his sheets, and waited. Louis stayed still for a while longer, and then finally, he wandered into the room. He was no longer a silhouette, he was something moving and breathing. And then he was at the edge of Alex’s bed, his body coiled and hovering.

Alex had not seen Louis nervous yet, and he didn’t know how to feel about it. It scared him, almost, to see Louis suddenly quiet and unsure. But also, he unlocked something in himself that he wasn’t used to feeling with Louis. Curiosity, as usual, but over that, the overwhelming urge to gather Louis in his arms, to protect him from…something.

Louis did not need to be protected. From everything he knew about him, he could weather a thousand storms and come out unscathed.

Still, Alex lifted his head and slid a hand across the mattress, patting the empty spot next to him.

“Come on,” Alex said, “Came here to sleep, huh,”

“Yes,” Louis murmured. It was so quiet Alex could barely hear it. He patted the mattress again, and this time Louis sighed and lifted the sheets and the quilt and slid underneath them, settling his body down. Now that he was closer, Alex could see he was wearing a long white shirt, pearly buttons done up until about the middle of his chest. Louis curled up easily, settling himself down and curling up.

Alex couldn’t find the strength to ask what he really wanted to say.

_“Can I hold you? Can I ask you something, and will you promise you’ll give me a real answer?”_

He couldn’t say it. He just closed his eyes, and pretended to fall asleep as Louis did the same thing just across from him. 

*******

One month.

It was one month of laying across from each other and not touching. The summer heat was unending and relentless, Alex’s short work hours still somehow felt endless, and there was still Louis curled in Alex’s bed, where he wasn’t allowed to touch.

And then, Alex found his breaking point.

It was nearly the end of July by now, and he was always covered in a little sweat. He came out of the bathroom, dressed in his undershirt and his drawers and ready for bed. He just wanted a glass of _something_ before bed, but instead, he saw Louis in his regular space at the dining room table, dressed in one of his robes and sipping a glass of water.

Alex looked at the back of his head as Louis sat there, and he balled his hands up, breathed in sharply, and forced his voice out.

“Why can’t I touch you?” he asked. Louis jumped a bit, and then turned and blinked at him.

“What?” he asked, and Alex just looked at him.

“When you’re in my bed, Louis, when you have nightmares, I can’t touch you. And, I don’t know if I’m allowed to, but I want to. And I just…you curl up so tight on your own, it’s like you’re already pushing me away. And I’m going crazy seeing you there and not being able to hold you and I just…”

He exhaled, and then looked down to the floor.

“Louis, I don’t know what to do with myself around you,” Alex said, “I can fuck you and that’s it. That’s all I know I can do. And I don’t know if I can keep doing that anymore,”

He kept his eyes down for awhile longer, and then, he slowly forced himself to lift his head. Louis was still looking at him carefully, and then he swallowed and nodded to the chair across from him.

“Come sit down,” he said, “I’d like to tell you a story,”

Alex came forward, going to the table and easing himself down onto the chair. Louis watched him the whole way, and once Alex was settled, he picked up his glass and just held it to his lips, not quite taking a sip.

“You can not looking at me differently when I tell you this,” Louis said.

“I – “

“You must promise me that if you can not live with me after this, you will leave and spare me,” Louis interrupted.

His voice was hard, and Alex just looked at him. Without even thinking, he grabbed Louis’s hands and squeezed them hard.

“I promise,” he said, “Louis, I promise I will not leave. But I want to know if you are still willing to tell me,”

Louis met his gaze evenly, and then finally turned his eyes down and broke his grasp with Alex’s hands. He leaned back in his chair and grabbed his tea, looking steadily down into the cup as he spoke.

“When I slept with a man for the first time, I was eighteen. I had just finished my first year of uni and I was home for the summer,” he finally said, “He was my father’s friend. A young one, had just started at the partnership. He was maybe twenty-five,” 

“Jesus, Louis,”

“He came around for lunch, to discuss business and things. He always offered to let me sit in the room. He said he was always around all these old men now, and that it was nice to have someone younger in the room. He would pour me a cup of tea, and even when my father said the conversation would bore me, this man would let me stay. He would pat my head and tell my father, ‘Louis is a good boy. I very much like having him around,”

Louis swallowed and shook his head.

“He kissed me on my nineteenth birthday, actually. There was a party at the house, but it was all my parents’ friends. He was the only person I liked. He pulled me aside, and I was drunk, and I asked him why he did not bring me a present. He smiled and then kissed me on the lips. He said he would give me more later, if I would like that,”

Louis rubbed his throat as he said that, kept his head tilted back, his eyes closed.

“One night, maybe a week later, I rode my bicycle to the house he was renting. And he let me in, and he let me sleep with him,”

Louis opened his eyes and looked at Alex firmly.

“I wanted it,” he said, “I mean, we both did. But I was curious, and he offered. So we slept together. And then right after he fucked me, he told me I needed to go. It was a bit painful to ride my bike home, as you can imagine,”

Alex didn’t even have the energy to laugh. He didn’t even know if he was allowed to do that. He just stared at Louis, rapt, as the other man picked up his story again.

“The next time I saw him, though, he just glared at me. He did not make me tea, did not let me in on the meeting he had with my father. And then the time after that, I asked him about it, asked if I had done something wrong. And he just spit in my face,”

Alex breathed in sharply and Louis’s gaze flickered to him briefly before he looked away again.

“Afterwards, he wrote a letter to my father telling him that he better watch out for me, I looked like I was turning out to be a little faggot. But my father turned a blind eye. He was busy, and I would go back to uni soon enough. It did not matter if I was being a whore if he did not have to see it”

“He did all that even after he slept with you?” Alex said, “He wanted you and…he still called you those things?”

“Maybe he forgot what he liked,” Louis said mildly, and then reached up and scratched his neck, “There have been many since him. The year after I went back, there were enough boys for me to lose track. And then until I finished school. And then on into the army. They have all been the same. They hate me because I can admit something about myself they can not. So they take and take and then they slap me across the face and kick me out like we’ll both learn our lesson,”

“But why?” Alex burst out, “Why did you keep doing it?”

It only made Louis shrug.

“I had no friends after a while. Why would I, I was a little cocksucker,” Louis scoffed and pulled his robe closer to him, “But still. Not many people like me. Or pay attention to me. Except when they are fucking me and do not have to see my face,”

Louis locked gaze with Alex, nearly glaring.

“Do not be sad for me,” Louis said, “I can see it in your eyes, you pity me,”

“Maybe I want to be sad for you,” Alex said, “You deserve someone who’s going to give a shit about you,”

“How sweet,”

“ _Louis_ ,” Alex sighed. He leaned forward, grabbed for his hands. Louis gave them to him gladly, let Alex hold his fingers tightly.

“Is that why you don’t let me touch you? You think that’s going to happen again.

Louis looked back at him with no reaction, so he hurried on.

“I will not do that to you,” he said, “Do you understand?”

Again, there was nothing from you. Alex felt words bubbling in his chest, so he kept going.

“I’m scared of you,” Alex said, “I am so, so fucking scared of you, and what you do to me. I’m scared what it means to love you, not for who I am, but for what’s going to happen when I want to love me out in the open and I can’t. I’m not going to hurt you, or leave you, or blame you for any of that. You do not need to push me away, or be surprised when I want you more for a fuck. You – “

Alex stuttered, and tried to take a breath in so he could finish. But he couldn’t push the words out, couldn’t find anything good enough. Instead he just stared at Louis, and took in his soft eyes, his mouth that was trembling with the desire to turn into a smile.

Alex could only manage a question.

“Can I kiss you?”

Louis just looked at him, and then smiled for real and closed his eyes.

“Yes, _ange_. You may,”

So Alex leaned forward, pressed his lips firmly to Louis’s.

He kissed him for what felt like far too long, but also not nearly enough time. Louis’s lips were dry for once, and not soft. Instead, he pushed forward eagerly, like he was trying to tug something out of Alex, pull strength into his own body through the kiss.

Alex reached out a hand and settled it on Louis’s hips, and the man’s entire body relaxed. He exhaled against Alex’s mouth, and he seemed content, and yet still so desperate, his lips still hungry and searching.

“When’s the last time someone made you feel nice, just for you, huh?” Alex exhaled against his mouth. It made Louis laugh.

“You are very good at that, precious,”

“Yes, but,” Alex said, “But you always tell me what to do, you always want to do it for me. What about you? What do you like?”

Louis shook his head, his shoulders dropping.

“I’m afraid I’m not in the mood for anything tonight, darling,”

“Not for now,” Alex rushed on, “For tomorrow for next week. For whenever you want me again. I want to know so it can be good for you,”

Louis stared at him, his eyebrows scrunched, and then he sighed.  

“There are only a few things,” he said, “I would like to be able to look someone in the eyes the whole time. Not have them look away from me. You are very good at that. I like to be called pretty things. You are very good at that as well,”

“But is there anything else?” Alex asked, “Anything I can do that I haven’t yet,”

Louis tilted his head, his fringe falling into his eyes as he did so.

“Well. Maybe one day, I can do the fucking. If you would like,” he smiled, “I like getting a cock but it is tiring, as you might imagine,”

“Oh,” Alex’s cheek heated up.

“You do not have to. It is just an idea,”

“I just can’t imagine how it might feel,”

Louis laughed, and smiled.

“It hurts,” he admitted, “But you feel so full, so taken care of when it is done right. Like someone has found something inside of you that needed to be fulfilled,”

“I – “ Alex stuttered, “I think I’d like that,”

Louis nodded, but the longer he looked at him, the more his smile faded, and eventually he leaned in.

“Why do you ask me these things, _cheri_?”

“I told you, I want to know,”

“Yes, but why?” Louis asked, “Summer will be over soon enough. You can go after that,”

“Yes, but I don’t want to,” he insisted, “I want to stay with you. I want to  keep getting to know you, if that means staying in London or going somewhere else or having to move back to France with you. I’ll do anything,”

“We won’t go to France,” Louis said immediately, “I weep to think of how you will try to destroy my language,”

“Louis, please,” Alex said, “Can – can I know if you want me here? I need to know,”

Louis looked at him steadily, and then leaned forward again and grabbed his hand.

“Did you know you are the only man who has made love to me?” Louis asked, “No one made else bothered to do that. No one was sweet with me afterwards, no one gave me permission to go if I wanted to, I was just told to go. Except you, my sweet boy. All those good things belong to you,”

He stroked his thumb over the side of Alex’s hand, and it made his skin feel lit up all the way through his body.

“I am not used to people wanting to stay with me, Alex. I want you to know that, so you do not expect anything from me,” Louis said, “I have never had a relationship with a man. I do not know what to do. But…I am willing to try,”

“I haven’t either,” Alex said, “And – I’m going to try. I’m going to try to remind you that I love you, and give you room when you need it, and I – “

“Wait, wait,” Louis exhaled. He looked at Alex with wide eyes and squeezed his hand, “What did you say?”

“I – “ Alex cycled through the sentence he had just said, before he finally found the thing he must have said that had made Louis look so unsure. He swallowed, his mouth feeling dry as he tried to say it again.

“I’m in love with you,” Alex said firmly, “I love you, Louis. And that scares me but I do,”

He looked back at the man in front of him steadily, but then his eyes started to fill up with water. And then he stood up and pressed himself to Alex, climbing into his lap.

“Darling,” he breathed, “My sweet Alex,”

He kissed Alex’s forehead, his cheek, brushed his lips, and Alex let him do it. He lifted his arms, squeezed Louis’s waist firmly as he kissed him.

“I am so glad I found you,” Louis breathed, “My lucky find. _Ma trouvaille_ ,”

He kissed Alex’s lips, finally, firmly, and then pulled back, blinking at him so prettily, his mouth soft and nearly smiling.

“Stay with me for the summer, and then we will go someplace. I would like to keep going places with you,”

“ _Yes_ ,”

“We can explore wherever you would like. I can pay,”

“Of course,” Alex laughed weakly, “Found myself a rich man, didn’t I?”

Louis grinned, and kissed the bridge of Alex’s nose.

“I will try,” he murmured, “I will try for you,”

When he pulled away, he smiled at Alex for real, his eyes lighting up.

“When you came in here,” he said, “You asked if you could hold me when we sleep in one bed,”

“Uh huh,” Alex nodded.

“Well, your answer is yes. Tonight, and every night,” Louis smiled, “I will let you be in love with me. I think that would be a nice thing to try,”

Alex just shook his head. He knew, in the back of his mind, that it would be hard for Louis to throw himself into this willingly. Maybe he would have to wait a few more months, a year, maybe, to hear Louis say that he was in love with Alex as well. But he was going to stay and wait. And he was going to prove to the soft, warm man in this lap that he deserved all the love Louis was willing to give to the world.

“Take me to bed now,” Louis said as he leaned forward, the words brushing against the shell of Alex’s ear, “Let me feel how you have wanted to hold me,”

Alex gripped onto Louis’s hips, careful enough that the other man to climb off of him. He settled an arm on the center of Louis’s back, kissed his shoulder as they walked.

They went to bed. Alex woke up from a nightmare a few hours later, but when he did, Louis was there in his grasp, holding onto his fingertips tightly.

It was all Alex needed from him.

*******

Alex laid in bed, in a town that he couldn’t remember the name of. They were in France, and had been for a few weeks now. Louis teased him all day about his feeble attempts to learn French, and Alex just rolled his eyes and let him say whatever he wanted.

The windows were tight and sealed in the cabin room. Winter had descended, and it wasn’t anyone else’s favorite time to see the world. But Louis was splaying out on Alex’s chest, his arm loosely around his belly, about five blankets piled on top of him.

“Don’t let me freeze to death,” Louis had murmured the first cold night, “I will haunt you,”

So every night, Louis crawled close and huddled next to him, and Alex would kiss his forehead, right at his hairline. He would keep his nose buried in Louis’s soft hair, his fingers on his lover’s neck, twitching each time Louis’s breath exhaled over Alex’s throat.

Tonight was the same, Louis pressed to Alex’s body in such a familiar way. It was warm inside, and Alex’s mouth tasted like hot chocolate. He had no idea what they would do tomorrow, and he was so happy to not know.

Eventually, Louis lifted his head and blinked, his long lashes visible even in the dark.

“ _Je t’aime, ma trouvaille_ ,” Louis murmured.

Alex had heard Louis say that a dozen times by now, all with a smile and gleaming eyes and everything worth living for in the world.

And when Louis sealed their lips together again, the sound of his words still lingering in Alex’s mind, it had been worth the wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with me this week! Love you all so much. Please leave a comment or kudos if you'd like. 
> 
> Tumblr: emperorstyles


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